Shinkirou
by Ryuuen Chou
Summary: Japanese for "mirage". One of WeiB mourns the passing of the one they loved. Shounen-ai, suicide, deathfic.


Shinkirou  
  
(Mirage)  
  
By Ryuuen  
  
Warnings: Shounen-ai, dark/mature themes, deathfic.  
  
Post-series, post-OVA. Ignores drama CDs and Gluhen. Gomen ne.  
  
A/N: Depressing, angsty little fic, running in the same vein as my Fushigi Yugi fic "Time", but with a slightly different twist. Please read and review. Feedback and C&C welcome. Please let me know who you thought the characters were before you found out in the last part, oke? I love to hear people's thoughts.  
  
Soundtrack: "Suicide Seaside" by Yuuki Hiro  
  
SHINKIRO  
  
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~"I sit on the path and gaze at the sea. The asphalt warms me, the fragrance tickles my nose. A clear sweat seeps into my chest. My memories are growing dim. I am fading away."~  
  
The moon is a crescent tonight, even though you can hardly see it through the clouds that threaten rain. You're kneeling on the windowseat, trying to get a better look, muttering a frustrated, "mouuu" under your breath. You look back at me and I smile, and you smile, too.  
  
"Can we go look for the moon?" You ask, with such innocence in your eyes, one would never think you were a murderer. Your blue eyes make me give in instantly- I could never refuse you anything. You grin, grabbing my hand and pulling me out the door, talking excitedly about the stars, moon, and sky, and how you wish you could see the moon more clearly. I smile and humor you with a little "un" or "sou desu" every once in a while, whenever you look at me with those eyes that demand some kind of answer. Kawaii desu ne.  
  
You look up into the sky, and when the milky-yellow crescent of the moon finally peeks out of it's hiding place in the clouds, you point, laughing, gesturing for me to come and see, as though the moon had come out just for you, just so you could see it.  
  
In hindsight, maybe it did.  
  
~"I open the window to my past, but the sunlight streaming in disturbs me."~  
  
That was the first night in a long time that you slept all through the night, without any nightmares. I've always suspected that it was because you were really happy that night, not because you were to exhausted to dream, as you later claimed. At any rate, you didn't wake up screaming that night, and I silently thanked the Moon for being the cause of your peace. I hated seeing you hurt, when you would wake up in the middle of the night with some obscure nightmare that you always refused to tell me about.  
  
It wasn't until a long time after that that you started becoming progressively more and more depressed. You never want to tell me what's wrong, but I think I know. I think I understood you. Even as I watch you, smiling like you always do, I can see a sadness behind your eyes, a world-weary sorrow that even your smiles couldn't completely cover up. I wish futilely that I could take that sadness away from you.  
  
~"Even if I stop breathing, as long as I exist on this earth, my soul will remain soiled. A meek voice whispers, 'I am in pain.' I cannot see any reason to live."~  
  
"..Do you believe in fate?" You inquire as you watch me watch the rain falling outside the window. Your voice is small, as though afraid I would lash out at the question. You've been so timid lately, so sad and scared. It scares me to see you that way. You, who was always pulling us together.  
  
"Anou.." I pause, unsure of how to answer. Then I say, "I've never really thought of it."  
  
That was smooth. Really smooth. I'm not as good with words as I thought I was for a minute there. But you look satisfied with the answer, or as satisfied as you need to be.  
  
"I do," you tell me, like it's an important secret. "I think it's fate that we were all brought together. I think it's fate that.. that I love you."  
  
I can think of nothing to say.  
  
~"All my memories deep in sleep at the bottom of the sea remain in the shadows, no matter what light tries to revive them. Even the sky above the breaking waters is not blue enough to awaken me from my nightmares."~  
  
That morning, the morning my dreams shattered and my heart broke, I remember you had smiled to me. You had told me, "I love you," and got up to go about business as usual. But when I came back from the shop, all I knew was pain.  
  
We tried to call an ambulance. The doctors, Kritiker approved of course, tried to save you, but you were announced D.O.A.... dead on arrival.  
  
I didn't know what to do. The others tried to be supportive, but each of us was already grieving in their own way. I couldn't believe it at first, demanded to be let in to see you. But then I saw for sure, that you weren't breathing. They had cleaned you up some; there wasn't any blood on your arms like their had been.. I try not to think of that.  
  
I feel the tears sting my eyes as I look down on your still form, and feel my heart breaking.  
  
~"It is certain that Father Time is now aware of the place where I will die."~  
  
You look so pale, so cold, so I pull the thin sheet up higher, around your shoulders. You're so thin; I hadn't even noticed that you were losing weight. You're so pale; like Death.  
  
I'm sorry... I'm sorry I couldn't tell you what I wanted so badly to say. I wanted to tell you, but the words just wouldn't come. Every time I looked into those perfect blue eyes, I felt like I wasn't worthy of saying it to you; of having you say it to me. You were stubborn in your love for me. You were determined not to let me walk away from you, like I did from others who had confessed love for me. I'm so sorry...  
  
...I just couldn't tell you that I loved you...  
  
But I did.  
  
~"At the end of my memories, the sun ends it's struggle and lets night seize control. Someone sings to me, 'leave now,' as I dissappear into the sea."~  
  
The slim form of Kudou Yohji placed the papers of his confession on the ground before the grave, placing a stone on top to keep them from flying away. His face was etched with misery, the trails left by tears streaking his usually vibrant face. His hair seemed, for once, unattended to, his clothes haphazardly pulled on, his tie crooked around his throat. He turned to the two who stood behind him, and nodded to them. Without a word, the redhead, the one who had shed no tears now, even if he had before, turned and walked away, pain deep in his violet eyes. The other companion also left, but there were tears in his eyes and on his face, betraying a deep sorrow.  
  
Yohji turned back to the grave, feeling fresh tears trailing down his face.  
  
"I'm sorry, Omi..." He whispered, "I love you.."  
  
~"As long as I exist on this earth, my soul will remain soiled. A meek voice whispers, 'I am in pain.' I cannot see any reason to live. Someone sings to me, 'leave now,' as I dissappear into the sea."~  
  
~owari~ 


End file.
